When a couple get married in India , the next question from everybody is "When are you going to have a baby?" Really because well according to many thats the next duty to complete!!! Awesome amount of pressure on the couple before they can even begin to know each other as a husband and wife ( oh yeah thats a lot different from lovers or fiance). Well I know because San and I decide to give ourselves time to enjoy each other in every respect before moving to the next phase.
We really freaked out in our "DINKS" days but by the time we finished 4 years of marriage we had everybody breathing down our necks with a well meant " Start trying"!!!. 2 hilarious(now, not then) incidents ...one a neighbour aunty putting her head thru our car window and saying with so much sadness - " What not pregnant yet" @#&!@#Two, a very old 70+ man ( some acquaintance) meeting us for the first time said in front of the whole family "4 years no baby, better go see a doc immdtly". Oh man I was really psyched.
However it is a good idea to ignore the pressure and take it easy for atleast 4 years after marriage. Learn about each other and enjoy that period for it will never come back. Take short vacations often and try to explore different places together. Dont take risks on contraception. Remember the safe period is never safe.
The right time for a woman to have her first baby as everyone knows is around 26 - 29 yrs depending on when you get married and how much time you want for yourselves before you think of a baby. Having said that, being mentally prepared for a baby is equally or much more important than being physically prepared. And it applies both for the man and the woman.
We had our son when I was 27 and yeah we were ready.
We had our daughter when I was 29 and she was a total surprise!!.
Were we ready? Oh no...No way...by the time my son had his first birthday I was 3 months pregnant...Whoa its been a roller coaster ever since although the ups and downs have kind of flattend off with them growing up. The initial 2 years were very tough on both of us but looking back we are really proud and did enjoy the little bundles of joy thoroughly!!!
If you are wondering should you or shouldn't here is some encouragement
http://www.babble.com/content/articles/columns/the-babble-list/45-Reasons-To-Have-A-Baby-Right-Now-Cold-Feet-A-Few-Good-Reasons-To-Dive-Right-In/index.aspx
And if you are thinking of the changes that your life will take have a look at this
http://www.babycenter.com/0_thirty-things-that-change-when-you-have-a-baby_1452535.bc
Well hope you have decided to take the plunge ( no pun intended!!!)
Cheers
Deepa
2 comments:
Hi!
Got a few questions for you..
1. What would you suggest to people getting married late in their life? Consider a gal getting married @ 28..or a guy getting married when he's 30. Do you think the time to get the kids would still be essential? Because, the physical and mental state may be much different once they cross such ages.
2. When you decide to get kids at around 28-30 years, the gap between your age and your kid's age is so huge (30 yrs!). Do you think it would create a generation gap? It happened to me with my parents. So i'm just wondering.
3. Would you consider listing your site on search engines or advertise on related web pages? I think it would help reach a lot more people that way so that they can also benefit.
Lookin forward to your response :-)
Hi Arun
Well thought about issues I guess.
1. Whether you get married early or late its very important to settle down into the marriage, enjoy the bliss of being together for atleast 2 years. The fact is that the biological clock for a woman is ticking away. I think 30 is the age preferred by the medical fraternity to have the first baby but couples trying early have been unsuccessful and couples have babies into their 40s and upward. But yes the earlier the better when you have a late marriage. Its basically a personal choice and its about being mentally ready because its another lifetime commitment.
2. Generation Gap acc. to me is not to do with the age difference but with the ideologies and attitudes. In our generation we try to understand the child, and with the vast amount of information available we try to give a balanced childhood and we also know that its important to let go when we have to. Like my hubby says acc. to Khalil Gibran " Children do not belong to us , they are through us". Our parents had a control mechanism working for them but it probably does not work for us. So its dependent on the individual to a large extent and lesser extent on the age difference.
3. I am figuring out how to do all that. I am not all that blog savvy yet. I am trying to list this on some forums and maybe AdSense. You can tell me more. This blog is more on an educational level. I will have a website when I start my classes and I also want to start a forum to discuss issues like this.
Cheers
Deepa
Post a Comment